Welcome to the first ever Good Better Best Bachelor recap.
While this is the first time I have done a Bachelor recap on GBB, I am not new
to The Bachelor. I have watched every season of The Bachelor and Bachelorette
since it started. Every. Single. One. Since this season is a Good one and I actually
don’t detest the lead, I decided to give a Bachelor recap a whirl.
We open with a humming bird and all I can think is would
Annaliese have been scared of humming birds had she stayed? Would we have been
treated to of her stories about how a humming bird traumatized her as a child
and then the producers would have done a fantastic, frightening reenactment of
her humming bird torment? Ah Annaliese…gone too soon.
At the ladies mansion, Bekah is practicing for swim team in the pool while the ladies
talk about how young she is. Chris Harrison appears and tells the ladies they
area about to hit the road…to South Lake Tahoe. I am sure Lake Tahoe is nice
but they are acting four year olds that have been told they are going to Disney
for their birthday with all of the screaming and cheering. It’s a Lake Tahoe
time share not the Ritz, calm down.
photo credit: heavy.com
They get to Lake Tahoe and talk about how they are looking
forward to experiencing ”new things”… at a Hard Rock Cafe. They all toast to
“where ever love may take us” and all I can think is how about to the Crate and
Barrel Outlet to get proper glassware to drink sparkling wine? They are drinking that champagne out of wine
glasses. Major production intern fail here.
The date card arrives and Sienne get first one on one date.
Caroline is jealous that she didn’t get a one on one date and she chugs a
mudslide. Krystal says she hopes Sienne goes home—she is truly a horrific
person.
One on One Date #1
The other ladies at the time share are playing eye spy and
watching Arie and Sienne through binoculars on their para sail date. The
intern found some proper glassware for the sparkling after the para sail date.
Get that intern over the ladies’ time share and stock that place. Ari put on a
cardigan after the date. Sienne also brought a cardigan for the journey.
Sienne tells Arie doesn’t know how to wink and that he needs
to teach her how to do that. Yawn. Arie says he dated people who weren’t ready
for marriage on purpose…like Courtney from Ben’s season (I added that part in!). Arie likes her….she gets the rose after she tells him that she has not seen
many love stories growing up with girls who look like her. Cue the country band LANCO and crowd of people
to gawk at them dancing to “Greatest Love Story”. His Dad dancing is just
painful. His dancing was more like twirling and running in place. Bless his heart. Mamas
beware, this is what happens when you lose the invite for your son to attend
Cotillion. All I can say is Arie just
failed this Dancing with the Stars audition!
Back at the time share, Maquel gets a call home. Grandpa
passed away unexpectedly….did Krystal
have something to do with this? Does she gave an alibi? Did she spike
Grandpa’s prune juice with cyanide? Maquel packs her clothes…and dead rose
ceremony roses and heads home.
Group Date
Group date time, which means Bekah gets the one on one date.
Krystal not happy “Arie wants a woman not a girl”. True Krystal, but I also
don’t think he wants a psychopath.
Krystal says she knows what Arie has to offer and she is
secure….right. They go hiking which with this group is looking more like
walking. This is the kind of date where Kendall shines…according to Kendall. They
meet a couple who is going to teach them survival skills. They are going to
make the ladies pee in a bottle….Lauren B says you can’t make her, I agree.
Arie pretends to drink his own pee…Jenna says she would drink her own pee for
Arie. No, just no, not even for Channing Tatum, I mean Running Daddy. Krystal
says the other ladies are acting deseparate….project much?
photo credit: ew.com
Just then the production intern turns the snow machine on
and Kendall gets pulled aside for a kiss. Next, they need to navigate through
the forest as a team. With the exception of Arie’s team they all get lost, with
the camera crew. Mean Mom from Maine, is being mean about Marikh (Kim Kardashian).
Arie’s group of the ladies get to the oasis which is a hot
tub. This hot tub scene uncomfortable, Krystal sees the desperation…in others.
Everyone gets dressed and they head to Edgewood Tahoe. Which is basically a
hotel lobby. Krystal is wearing basically an old bath mat but according her, her
her relationship with Arie is perfect.
Arie and his cardigan steal Lauren B away. Arie tells Lauren
he is looking for someone with a flexible schedule…what? He then steals Kendall
away, in addition to taxidermy she liked eating the bugs during the survival
part of the date…#dreamgirl. She tells
Arie she brought a stuffed duckling named Ping with her…like a dead duck. She wants
Arie to meet him…again a dead duck. She makes a woman with nine cats look normal.
Krystal tells ladies she felt challenged being in a large
group date. Krystal thinks the other ladies are being over bearing and
obnoxious to be seen. Girl please. Mean Mom from Maine makes fun of Krystal and
she is spot on. Everyone hates Krystal.
Krystal and Arie have alone time, and Krystal tells Arie she feels like she is a target and he looks so uncomfortable. Krystal says it
weighs on her and she feels ostracized. Listen, never, ever, ever share the
girl drama. Krystal is crying, says people are judging her….blah blah blah. At
this point she is making the Mean Mom from Maine look like the voice of reason.
After she is done with her woe is me time with Arie, Krystal
wants to talk to Tia and Caroline. Krystal is really hurt that the other two were
goofing around in the hot tub. Tia is telling Krystal to not play the victim, Krystal
is so hurt. Boo hoo.
Tia goes to talk to Arie and tells him she is annoyed right
now. Again---don’t talk to him about the girl drama. Oh no, Tia is crying
too…girl don’t. They kiss…because that’s what Arie does when he doesn’t know
what to say. Tia says Arie is a “good dude”. Tia gets the group date rose and Krystal
is totally fine with it, just kidding.
photo credit: AceShowbiz
Next morning, Mean Mom from Maine and Krystal are talking
about the group date and Bekah's date today. Krystal is misunderstood…according
to Krystal. For her horse back riding date, Bekah is wearing one of Kendall’s
taxidermy skins and runs and jumps on Arie toddler style. He says she is deeper
than other women he has dates in the past…no kidding…again see Courtney from
Ben’s season. Arie and Bekah have a barrel hot tub date. The intern was
able to find the right glassware for the hot tub. They actually have some real chemistry.
Dinner date with Bekah and her faux fur. Did she pack those?
Did the intern get these? Inquiring minds want to know. When she takes off
the faux fur Bekah has on a really bad mock turtleneck belly shirt.
photo credit: Yahoo
Arie thinks there is a lot there. Arie wants to know if Bekah
is ready. Bekah says she has never been there at the right time with right person…because
it is usually not the right time to meet in middle school. Arie enjoys waking
up with the sun and a cardigan, and wonders if Bekah is ready. Bekah asks if
Arie knows how old she is….22. "Oh my God" is Arie’s answer. Cue the scary music.
He is concerned about how young she is…she keeps telling him everyone in her
family got married young. Eeks, this is feeling more desperate than Krystal.
Arie says he is not here for a 22 yr old girlfriend he is here for a wife. He
is thinking that Bekah needs a few more laps around the track, check out a few
pit crew teams and win some more races, while Arie and his cardigans are ready
for an Oldsmobile. He gives her the rose any way. He says he is proceeding with caution…just what every girl wants to hear!
Rose Ceremony Time
Rose ceremony prep includes leg shaving, eyeliner and
contouring. Bekah has on her big faux fur again, maybe she thinks that makes
her look older. Krystal is giving a speech to the other ladies and they hate
her. Chris Harrison shows up and says there is no cocktail party—right to rose
ceremony. Cue scary music.
Arie’s suit, shirt, tie combo is horrific. I thought they
gave these guys a stylist. Caroline you are so gorgeous but you can’t do a
choker style dress w necklace…one or the other Girl.
Krystal wants to steal Arie away just as the rose ceremony
starts. These ladies hate her. Lots of talk about how disrespectful she is.
Krystal says is not here to play games. Blah blah blah. More tears. She is so
much work.
Roses go to: Lauren, Kendall (taxidermy for the win),
Ashley (who?), Beca K, Chelsea aka Mean
Mom from Maine, Jenna, Jacqueline (who?), Marikh, and finally Krystal. Caroline
and Brittany T. go home, Caroline leaves, shoes in hand, choker dress with a
necklace. Krystal says that she needs to make sure that it is just her and
Arie at the end of this as the camera closes in on her creepy smile.
Next week, the production team cashes in more of their time
share points as they head to Ft. Lauderdale. I always hate the seasons
after one of the $2 million weddings, or in this case after they had to pay the
Bachelor in Paradise legal bills last summer, as the trips and dates are usually a
little lower budget after those events.
At the end of the episode—we learn about glam shaming…which
Mean Mom from Maine would never do because she is a former model and for the
record she is “pro glam.” Glad we cleared that up.
That’s my first Bachelor recap post. What did you think? Do
you want more of this? Please leave your thoughts in the comments.
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